
“Sethe sees me see her and I see the smile her smiling face is the place for me ” (p. 252).
Dear Beloved,
When I look back at this moment, it feels as if you are reaching for something you never had the chance to feel. You want Sethe in a way that feels overwhelming, almost like she is the only thing that can fill the emptiness inside you. You hold onto her because you never had the time to understand what a mother is or what love is supposed to feel like. Losing your life so early left you searching for the warmth of love that was taken from you before you even understood it.
I do not think you ever intended to hurt anyone. You came back carrying a loneliness that started long before you returned to 124. You find yourself constantly with Sethe, wanting her attention towards you to never end. She is the one connection you have, even if that connection is driven by pain and confusion. You want her attention and her love, but you never had a chance to let others in or learn what love truly is.
Part of me wishes someone had shown you what comfort looks like. You deserved someone who could guide you, help you feel safe, and show you what love truly is. Even though your presence caused significant harm, I understand the reasoning behind it. You were looking for the mother you lost, longing for a chance at love, and you were afraid of losing her again.
Sincerely,
AJ